"You gotta accentuate the positive/eliminate the negative/latch on to the affirmative/don't mess with Mr. In-between". (Anyone else singing along as you read that?). It speaks to how I want to live my life. How I want to view the world. How I want to raise my son.
It's so easy to focus on the negative, so easy to bring out the 'whippin stick' and lay stripes on ourselves for flaws, real or only self-perceived. I'm not sure anyone is harder on us than us. I know it's true for me. If anyone ever read my journal they'd think I was full of self-loathing. It's full of the the things I do wrong and very little I do right. The journal I keep for J, however, is ONLY full of wonderfulness. That's not right, I need wonderfulness too. I need to stop lashing myself. I've found that the negative thoughts can just build up over time until that's all I see. I miss the beauty, the happiness, the laughter. The things about me that are really amazing and special.
J is driving me crazy with his almost -three-year-old dramatics - I HAVE AN ALMOST THREE YEAR OLD! I can't tell you for how many years it didn't even seem like this was ever going to happen.
There are days that feel like pure drudgery, laundry, dishes, cook, feed, clean, change diapers, repeat - there are definitely days that are full of chores, but they are also full of spontaneous hugs, kisses, laughter, conversations and helping. I wouldn't change being a stay-at-home-mom for anything.
I totally and completely went over budget this month - I spent money on some things I'm very excited about, a new hobby and presents for D's birthday.
I really need to lose 20 pounds, I'm not as thin as I once was - I now have much better *ahem* assets than when I was skinny and a husband who thinks I'm gorgeous and tells me so often.
My house is a mess, I can't ever seem to keep it clean - I have a beautiful home full of things I love.
We don't have enough money for _____ - we have enough for what we need and then some.
I never get out at night anymore - I have wonderful activities to do during the day and friends to see, I could fill every day of the week if I so chose.
We don't vacation the way we once did, no exotic locations, no foreign travel - while travel is simpler now and is more likely to involve a car trip and staying at a place with a kitchen, it's no less special or full of wonderful memories. And when J is old enough, we will show him the world.
And those are just the things that crossed my mind this morning. I'm tired of not...wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to my life. I have much to be thankful for and feel blessed about and it's time I start actively thinking about the good things - there are so many.
I chose "joy" as my word this year because I found myself constantly zoning in on the negative of life last year. Having a second baby with a toddler was a lot of hard work that first year. Now, things are easier (sort of) and I realize that part of that ease is attributed to my attitude.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I found age 2.5-3.5 to be so, so tough. We are coming out of it now, but my 17 month old is getting the toddler tantrums and "I want to do it" stage. sweet.
And then they're asking for the car keys and money. It's amazing to me how they can be such pains and then turn around and just be so sweet - it's aggravating and charming all at once. I can just imagine how hard two would be - there's a reason we have one. :)
Delete