I mean just.....SPRING!!

I feel like Spring sprung upon me this year, I went away for a weekend and I came back to all this beauty!

 

 

How to make a Valentines mobile - in pictures

 

 

 

10 things that are making me happy today and two that are ticking me off

The ten delightful things that are making me happy:

1) Being able to deposit checks using my phone - awesome!

2) Depositing my first check for card making (thanks mom!).

3) A new Terry Pratchett book to read. I love Terry Pratchett.

4) Lots of tasty leftovers for lunches and dinners this week.

5) One full week of potty training and only one accident. WOW!

6) Hanging my laundry up to dry. Hilarious since it was a chore I hated as a teenager.

7) Bacon.

8) Big Band music and old movies.

9) Shower snuggles.

10) Making cheese crackers with J.

The two things that are ticking me off:

1) My back is hurting from making cards. How pathetic is that?! I know it's because of how I'm bending over the table to work on the cards and I don't know how to fix it.

2) Too many cartoons!! I need to just turn the tv off but I fear the screaming and it's my fault for turning it on in the first place. Argh.

Waking Up in a Rotten Mood

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Technically there's only one side of the bed I wake up on since it's pushed against my son's day bed but, this morning, it was the wrong side.

I knew it wasn't going to be good when my son woke up early and my brain reverberated with a shrill, screechy voice screaming NO NO NO!!!! For some reason that voice is always an acid green. I don't know why but it's like acid green flames flicking inside my brain. I didn't think 'extra snuggle time', I thought ARGH.

I'm not sure if it was the long list of errands that need running, or the end of month checkbook balance or what, but I want this mood GONE. And because it's so often the little things that add up to a big mood change, I'm going to list a few little things that made me happy this morning.

1) Hanging my clothes on the line to dry. Last summer my husband hung a single line on our upstairs balcony for me to hang clothes on. I underestimated how much I would love hanging clothes out to dry.

2) J pushing his trash truck up to me and asking me "are you so excited?!" as he shows me what he has tucked in the back of the truck (milk flat car and a passenger car this time).

3) Blackberry jam on homemade whole wheat toast.

4) Drinking hot tea.

5) Sunny, warm winter days.

6) Emails from friends.

7) 10:30 and J and I are still in our pajamas.

8) Cleaning the kitchen - not that I love the cleaning but I sure love the way it looks when it's done.

9) Three of my orchids are re-blooming - I love it when that happens.

10). Skipping running errands - that definitely makes me happy!

There, I'm feeling better already.

My very favorite song lyric in the whole wide world is

"You gotta accentuate the positive/eliminate the negative/latch on to the affirmative/don't mess with Mr. In-between". (Anyone else singing along as you read that?). It speaks to how I want to live my life. How I want to view the world. How I want to raise my son.

It's so easy to focus on the negative, so easy to bring out the 'whippin stick' and lay stripes on ourselves for flaws, real or only self-perceived. I'm not sure anyone is harder on us than us. I know it's true for me. If anyone ever read my journal they'd think I was full of self-loathing. It's full of the the things I do wrong and very little I do right. The journal I keep for J, however, is ONLY full of wonderfulness. That's not right, I need wonderfulness too. I need to stop lashing myself. I've found that the negative thoughts can just build up over time until that's all I see. I miss the beauty, the happiness, the laughter.  The things about me that are really amazing and special.

J is driving me crazy with his almost -three-year-old dramatics - I HAVE AN ALMOST THREE YEAR OLD! I can't tell you for how many years it didn't even seem like this was ever going to happen.

There are days that feel like pure drudgery, laundry, dishes, cook, feed, clean, change diapers, repeat - there are definitely days that are full of chores, but they are also full of spontaneous hugs, kisses, laughter, conversations and helping. I wouldn't change being a stay-at-home-mom for anything.

I totally and completely went over budget this month  - I spent money on some things I'm very excited about, a new hobby and presents for D's birthday.

I really need to lose 20 pounds, I'm not as thin as I once was - I now have much better *ahem* assets than when I was skinny and a husband who thinks I'm gorgeous and tells me so often.

My house is a mess, I can't ever seem to keep it clean - I have a beautiful home full of things I love.

We don't have enough money for _____ - we have enough for what we need and then some.

I never get out at night anymore - I have wonderful activities to do during the day and friends to see, I could fill every day of the week if I so chose.

We don't vacation the way we once did, no exotic locations, no foreign travel - while travel is simpler now and is more likely to involve a car trip and staying at a place with a kitchen, it's no less special or full of wonderful memories. And when J is old enough, we will show him the world.

And those are just the things that crossed my mind this morning. I'm tired of not...wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to my life. I have much to be thankful for and feel blessed about and it's time I start actively thinking about the good things - there are so many.

Today I Am...

Thankful for a sunny winter day where it's warm in the sun and chilly in the shade and a wonderful morning spent at the park with a friend and our kiddos

Grateful to have chili ready for dinner and an egg-free cornbread recipe to try and happy to be sharing the chili and cornbread with a friend who just had a baby.

Ecstatic that my brother and his family (nephew! niece!) are moving here this summer - it's been decades since we lived in the same state much less area. I can't wait to have them here.

Loving watching J's imagination blossom and expand. The pretending and stories he is creating are amazing and wonderful to behold.

Appreciating the snuggles, cuddles and huggles (it's a hug and a cuddle) I'm getting from him. I have a super sweet snuggly boy and I'm savoring it all.

Enjoying gathering things for a new crafty hobby - card making - and itching to get started but,

Frustrated by my lack of ability to stick to The Compact - completely blew it this month with all my purchases for making cards.

Retraining my brain to think frugality first. Stubborn brain.

Reading 'Eat Pray Love'.

Content in this moment with where I am and what I have - for now.

Chickens

This was going to initially be a post about television. And then it was going to be about The Compact and how I've gone off the rails buying items for my new card making craft. But then my almost-three-years-old son went and did something. He reminded me of the joy in little things.

He woke up way too soon fom his nap this afternoon and immediately asked "can I put on my boots and go in the chicken coop?". Now I'd promised this to him at a play date this morning, "after nap you can go feed the chickens". I'm always amazed when he remembers these things but I shouldn't be. If he doesn't remind me of something, it's because he doesn't want to not because he's forgotten.

We put on his coat and his froggy boots, I opened the gate to the chicken run and let him loose on the girls. Per his insistence, I went back inside. That's why the first photos are all sneaky paparazzi shots.

Filling up the bucket with scratch

 

Off to find the girls

 

They're down in the coop (there's a little pathway on the left to get to the coop)

 

Pouring scratch into the coop pen

 

Happy hens

 

Chicken tushies

 

I absolutely love the way J is enamoured of the hens (and always has been) and the way he has wanted to learn to feed and take care of them. He thinks they're wonderful. Most days I view them as a (mostly happy) chore, let them out in the morning, lock them up at night, collect eggs, feed, water, clean the coop. J gets nothing but pure pleasure from being with them, he talks to them, gives them treats, etc.

 

We've had chickens for about 5 years now and I don't ever want to live someplace where we can't have hens and have dreams of a larger flock that can really free range some day. We're going to get a few more chicks this Spring and J will name and help me take care of them - a gentle precursor to the 4-H program I will sign him up for when he's 5. Just a happy set of photos that remind me of how glad I am for a series of fortunate circumstances that led us to keeping chickens.

 



The egg we collected today - from YaYa (J named her)





Taking a Day Off

Well sort of. I'm still a full time mom and wife today. I'm not spending the day at the spa nor running away from home. What I did was give myself permission to not do anything I didn't want to. I didn't work out this morning. I didn't run errands. I just...enjoyed the morning. I got to have my tea while it was hot, I played rocket ship with J, I portioned up the soup and chili I made yesterday, I ordered D's birthday presents and some card-making goodies, made pretzels (per request of J), I'm going to start prepping dinner so I can have it on the table at a decent time and I'm sitting to write this post. All in all it has been a relatively stress free day.

Menu for this Week:

Monday - Spaghetti with chickpeas

Tuesday - Pasta e Fagioli (David Rocco)

Wednesday - Chili and Cornbread

Thursday - Country Split Pea Soup (The New England Soup Factory Cookbook)

Friday - Turban Squash Risotto

Saturday - Birthday Party

Sunday - Short Rib Ragu (Williams Sonoma Slow Cooker Cookbook)

I am not Super Woman

I am not Super Woman. I will give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor...

Zoo play date at 10am, J wants 'eatmeal' for breakfast and I've decided that tonight's dinner needs to be done in the slow cooker to simmer all day versus stove top for only 75 minutes. I also severely underestimated the time necessary for making said dinner. To say that the kitchen contained a whirling dervish of a woman this morning is an understatement. I usually like to eat breakfast with J but he gave up after a while and moved his oatmeal and fruit into the den with his Legos. I gulped mine (cold) in between cutting up onions and stew meat. We were 45 minutes late to the play date (sorry Michelle!) but I did manage to get the kid fed, lunch made and packed, dinner in the slow cooker and me and J bathed and dressed.

A wonderful time at the zoo and J crashed in the car on the way home. Not surprising since he ran from animal to animal with barely any time to pause. I carried him upstairs and lay down with him on my chest (trying to keep him asleep, we've had trouble with transferring him recently). I gently rolled him off and he snuggled into the crook of my arm and started breathing evenly. We lay like that for a while, me savoring a fleeting moment, before I felt the need to get up and get things done.

So I have a sweetly sleeping child and a house that smells incredible. I think maybe I am Super Woman.

pausing to look at giraffes



We took a seriously long hike (well for a toddler) this morning. Saw a bald eagle. Took family pictures. Ate tomato soup for lunch. J took a nice long nap after carrying a pocket full of rocks the whole journey and D and I had some time to actually talk.

Main point of conversation was probably one that is carried out in various forms and ways around the world. "How do we make our weekends fun, memorable and not just errand running, chore doing, sports watching (this is actually me not D), 'where did the weekend go?". Now I don't have any illusions about being able to make every weekend something wonderful, but if we try for something fun every other Sunday say, shouldn't we achieve it most of the time? I'm willing to take the steps to make it happen.

First is making sure all errands are done during the week so that there isn't any last minute running around that ends up taking at least half the day. Second is to make sure all household chores (cleaning, laundry) is done during the week. Mondays have been my housekeeping days but I'm finding that by Friday the house is all crazy again. I'm thinking of switching to Friday so we start the weekend with a nice clean house. Easier to leave to go do something if I'm not leaving a mess behind....Third is to start teaching J to clean up after himself. He's going to have to do it when he goes to school so better to start training him now. Fourth is to come up with some ideas. Luckily we live in an area that is so chock full of fun, free (or inexpensive) things to do that we could easily go 52 weeks and not repeat anything exactly. D has a brain brimming with ideas and he's always finding new ones so we're lucky in that respect. Fifth, and this is the big one, I have to say "yes" instead of finding a reason not to go. It's my "yes" experiment. There are many adventures both small and large out there, I just have to leave the house to find them.

Simple pleasures today.
Play dough that feels really good in the hands,  walks in the sunshine on cold days, adventures and exploring, collecting twigs and branches covered in lichen to make wreaths (!), the view out the cabin window, sitting in the sun chatting with D while J digs in the dirt and plays with his trucks, puzzles at the table, hearty bean soup on the stove with crusty sourdough bread, my baby sleeping with his head on my chest, hot tea, the promise of thousands of stars tonight, interesting blogs to read, a wonderful new magazine discovered, warm, soft socks, J discovering the joy of a camera, The Rose Bowl, finishing my 2012 holiday ornaments in 2012, board games with J, watching Pippin joyfully run over the hills, bubble baths, cheese plates, this picture:

and this one:

 

 

All in all, a great way to start 2013!

This morning we woke to blue skies and the possibility of a warm sunny day.

Rainy yesterday feels like I spent the entire day (minus a break for wine tasting) saying "no", "don't do that", "put that down", "don't stick that in the plug!", etc, etc. Exhausting and not much fun and not at all what I want to remember from a vacation to a place I love. It even flickered across my mind that maybe we shouldn't do this again next year.

Today I decided that I would make the day about J and go where he led. After breakfast we played his first board game and let him make up the rules. He painted and did play dough while I sat at the same table and wrote in my journals. Instead of being irritated for not having a clear, uninterrupted ability to write, I let myself enjoy changing his paints or making imprints in the dough. Then he decided it was time to play outside with the balsa wood airplanes but since he wanted mommy to watch too, I was outside enjoying the warm sun and joining in the laughter of the loop de loops instead of doing dishes. Lunch and then a walk to the pond and barn, stepping in every puddle along the way. I mentioned once that it would make his feet cold and wet and then gave in and just enjoyed his utter delight in splashing around. I don't want him to fear puddles, water or getting dirty and it's all washable. It was so warm when we got back to the cabin that we stripped off his soaking clothes and let him enjoy the sunshine nekkid. A pure, joyful morning with only a few of the 'almost three' crying fits.

Now that it's nap time, I have that time to myself that I crave. I will confess that I'm hoping for a long nap. The peace and quiet is awfully nice.

We have plans for more board games and puzzles after nap....

So I read these French parenting books and they all are very focused on how the parents do not cater to the children, the children do their own thing and behave themselves wonderfully leaving their parents alone, etc. I have no idea how they do it. Not all of it is for me, but J is my complete focus and doesn't seem happy unless he has my complete attention at most if not all times. There has to be a balance and I'm trying to find it. Though today has been really fun :)

Update: J slept for 3 hours! :)

Me Time

'Me time'. It sounds so trite, so simple, such a marketing term along the lines of 'Calgon Take Me Away'. For those who remember that ad. I think my age is showing.

It used to not be important. It felt like most of the time was 'me time' and it was so easy. Then motherhood happened and suddenly I get it. Really get it. I can't think of the last thing I did for myself. Not by myself but for myself. I start feeling thin "like butter scraped over too much bread" (thanks Bilbo). D takes J out on weekend morning for 'adventures' and I end up cleaning the house, doing laundry or dishes. D suggests I take a bath to relax and if it does actually end up happening it becomes a group event as J insists on joining me. I know this sounds like I don't adore or appreciate my family but I do, I so do. I know how lucky I am to have such charming, sweet and loving men in my life. It's just sometimes I want to feel relaxed and renewed as me and I don't want to wait till J goes to college for it to happen.

So I am working on finding little pockets of personal time here and there. Little things for me to do that make me feel excited and connected. I ordered a couple of easy felting kits to dip my toes back into sewing. I have two lovely needlepoints that I want to work on. Doing them used to frustrate me to no end as J would end up practically in my lap watching the needle dip in and out. Then I had the simple realization that as he watches me do these things, he's learning to do them himself. And of course he wants to know what I am doing and of course he finds sewing and creating fascinating, it's magical to a child. Don't I want him to? Of course I do.

So mommy is going to take a deep breath and pull out the needlepoint and sewing. I'm going to show and teach him as I do them. It will take longer and I'm sure there will be mistakes but it's going to be worth it in the long run.

The very last post of Life Changes I want to make and then I start living them.

I lay in bed the other night and tried to come up with a Top Ten for 2010. I used to have no trouble doing so, in fact it was difficult choosing the Top Ten. Often we ended up with many more. I came up with maybe five this year. Five out of twelve whole months to make amazing, or even just fun, things happen. Those five things felt really lame too.

I'm not talking the incredible international trips we used to take (at least not until J is older) but we can still DO things, go places, make our own adventures, fun and memories. The best fun we have is being together as a family, all of us being present for and with each other (getting out of the house helps). These are things I want J to grow up with too - not the memory of being surrounded by toys and parents who don't pay attention.

2012 feels like a year of...not survival really but definitely just living. Part of that is because we have a toddler and part is because making an effort felt like too much effort. It's also because the news out there isn't pretty and hasn't been pretty and a lot of what's going on just makes you want to pull the covers over your head. That's no way to live however. I guess in many ways I have been substituting my desire to feel like I'm living with shopping. The rush of expecting a package has taken the place of making plans to go places, do things and have adventures. Well that all changes this New Year.

Ok so I've listed out some pretty serious life changes for this upcoming year. At the end of 2013, I'd like them to just be part of me, so ingrained that I can't even remember what my life was like before. And I really want a healthy savings account, so many wonderful memories that they can't fit in my memory jar (link), and to have lived a wholesome life. I think I can do it.

One more thing to work on in the New Year. Turning off the TV. I use it too often as my relaxation. I have it on when no one is watching. It plays in the background as I'm on the computer or J is playing. It's a crutch for when I want to do something and I want J to stay quietly in one place. We sit in front of it to eat and we turn it on after dinner. What we watch is mostly sports but we're watching sports we don't care about. Hello - the Little Caesars Bowl is on right now featuring two teams I have never  heard of. The EPL was on this morning and I only cared about one match of the three and I could have turned it off after Liverpool went down.

I need to just turn it off and go LIVE my life. I have things I want to do, books I want to read, crafts I want to learn, needlepoint to finish, a life to live. How much of my day is spent with the TV on? I'm sure I would be appalled to know.

Along those lines, I need to put down my damn phone. I feel like the stupid thing is attached to my hand and I'm constantly checking it for email and Facebook. This made sense when I was among the employed and had to but I'm pretty sure nothing will explode if I don't respond to an email or a Facebook post.

Also and this is big, really big. My kiddo will be in school very soon. Too soon. I spend my days in front of the computer or looking at my phone and I'm with him but not engaged. He plays with his toys, and it's great that he occupies himself so well but I'm just there. I'm not playing with him, or teaching him or encouraging him. In a few short years he will be in Kindergarten and gone most of the day. I need to make the most of this time while I have it.