Thursday, March 21, 2013

Sometimes I feel like I am

two women living in the same body. One is Earth Mother, homemade, homemaking, gardening, frugal, basic and definitely not stylish but comfortable. The other is a woman who cares deeply about appearance, loves to shop and look good, desires new clothes, wears makeup, likes painted nails, pedicures, spas, a good haircut, spends money and being attractive. I have yet to figure out a way to balance the two. I am both but it seems only in extremes.

Google 'Life Balance' and most of what you get is work/life balance. That's great, but not what I'm looking for. I need an article that's about life/life balance, a self help program, 12 steps, something, anything, to help me figure out how to happily meld these two sides of my personality.

Last December I removed my fake nails after 11 years. It felt right plus the thought of all the toxins I was exposing myself to every two weeks made it an easy(ish) decision. I was comfortable with the no polish, no pedicure, trim my own hair, save money, live with what I had, no shopping turn my life had taken. Then Spring hits and POW, suddenly I am shopping for a new wardrobe, making a salon appointment, painting my toes and fingers, putting on makeup, rearranging the furniture and debating spa treatments.

While it can definitely be seasonal, I do have my triggers. This time it was a picture of myself at my son's birthday party. I looked like a lumpy, pear-shaped woman who cared nothing about what she looked like. Gross. I looked gross. And suddenly the part of me that cares about these things, really cares, culled the wardrobe, ordered (a lot of) new clothes, painted her nails, made a hair appointment, started wearing more makeup and is debating getting a facial/massage regularly.

So how do I balance the two? How do I stay the earthy mama, frugal homemade homemaker who is totally laid back and the fashionable woman who really wants to look good, is willing to make an effort to do so and wants those treatments at the salon and new clothes? I haven't figured it out yet. I feel like they are totally counter to each other but they're both part of me.  And I'm either all one or all the other. They both feel like me but neither one makes me completely happy. I want to do all my homemade stuff and be comfortably casual, but what I'd really like is it to be effortlessly chic not just 'casual'. It's so hard. All I know is that I have to figure this out or I'm going to spend the rest of my life binging in both directions.


  1. I hear you! Last year, after looking at myself in pictures, I lost 20 lbs & bought some new clothes. It is difficult to balance the two worlds, however, I think a comfortable/stylish pair of jeans paired with a colorful top & a fun piece of jewelry is the key. The jewelry, for me, jazzes it up without being over the top. Then, I get down on the floor and play trash game with my kiddos:)

    1. It's more than that for me (though losing 20 pounds would definitely help). I feel like the difference is basically being willing to spend money on things that are viewed as superficial by my Earth Mother half. Sigh. There has to be a balance because being all one or the other eventually makes me unhappy.

  2. You will find the balance you're seeking. It just takes time. When I realized I'd become my mom is flannel shirts and sweats with unkempt hair, I was like... CRAP! So now I put on a bit of mascara, blush & lipstick, and I dress stylish. I also give myself my own facials at home. If you want to be Earth Mama, you can make your own facial supplies: honey, baking soda, vitamin E, etc.

    As for attire, maybe think minimalist-chic? Like Amy said, maybe a nice necklace to spruce up an otherwise understated shirt.

    Oh and there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to feel pretty and dressed up and all those "superficial" things. They are NOT superficial, they are a must for helping to create the Goddess that we know we are. You are well aware that to be a goddess, we must create ritual in our lives... Well, putting on makeup or doing your own facial, or manicure, IS the ritual for creating the sense of beauty and pulling it from inside to the outside. I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel after I put some time into my appearance! That doesn't mean I'm spending tons of money. That means I'm spending TIME on myself and nurturing and pampering myself. As a goddess that you are, you deserve pampering! :)

    1. I think it's more being willing to spend money on such things. Part of me isn't and part of me really is. That's whst I need to balance.