I am refusing to read any more mom articles, mom blogs, mom forums, mom lists, or mom books. I am done, finit, caput.
Last night was the last straw. I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, my mind whirling with the words from one article that made the rounds on Facebook yesterday. It was about 'how your child just wants to be with you and therefore ignoring that need and being, well a human with their own needs and wants, makes you less of a parent'. I felt racked with guilt about how I had pushed J away yesterday morning when he was clingy (like a little vine he was). I had stuff I needed to get done and all he wanted to do was hang on my arm. I fell asleep thinking I was the worst parent in the world.
I woke up knowing that I do a pretty damn good job and that I don't need that extra layer of guilt or pressure. I'm not perfect, none of us are, and there are already too many other moms to compare ourselves to. We create enough guilt on our own to have any additional pressure applied from the outside. I don't need some article telling me that I'm doing something wrong. And they ALL say we're doing something wrong. Every single damn one of them.
I find that every time I read something that makes the rounds on Facebook or Yahoo or wherever, I feel inadequate. I'm not doing something sufficiently or to the best of my 'mom ability'. They never come out and say "you're damaging your child" but I am left feeling like I should be doing something, or everything, better than I am. I'm not paying enough attention/I'm paying too much attention, I shouldn't yell/I should be firm, co-sleep/never co-sleep, feed this/don't feed that, free play/keep an eagle eye on them, on and on and on.
In reality, I'm doing the best I can. Some days are better than others. Some days my frustration levels are epic and other days they're mellow. Some days I feel like a banshee and some days I'm an angel. I love my kiddo more than anything in this world, I tell him he is special and wonderful and how much I love him, how much I will ALWAYS love him. I'm just doing the best I can and really, that's all I, or any mom, can ask for.
I read a certain attachment parenting book when I was pregnant with my first child. The book ruined me b/c I felt like I should never, ever leave his side. I still get pangs of guilt about putting myself first. I had horrible post partum depression b/c I couldn't push him out of me, c-sections create distance didn't ya know, the book told so. Now, I try to follow my instincts, read less how-to books, and breathe. You are a great mom. J is lucky to have you:)
ReplyDeleteThank you - your kiddos too.
ReplyDeleteI didn't read any books before J was born BUT I did have people send me all sorts of things after he arrived. I felt like I was drowning in the pressure. I've just donated all those books to the library and I'm going with what feels right for me and us. Mommy being sane is probably more important than most things ;)
Breathing is good!
Have you read the rebuttals to that article? They will make you feel sane again. :) Don't let it get you down. If we paid attention to our children every moment, they'd suffocate. They need room to be themselves without us gawking over their every move. Trust your gut! You are a great mom, and we are only supposed to do our best, and that includes taking time for ourselves and the lives we lead.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way when I read these things. And it's true. I have enough Moms and articles and whatever to compare myself too, and I am always the one who doesn't seem good enough. I am done with reading that stuff too! We can do much better without it!
ReplyDeleteI think we give ourselves enough pressure to be perfect - the last thing we need to to compare ourselves to someone else!
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