I realized that I've been a bit foggy regarding why I feel this urgent need to lose 15-20 pounds. Getting in physical shape is obviously a worthwhile goal in and of itself, but why now? I've known I needed to get in shape for years. And put it off. What happened to give me that 'do something, do some thing now!' moment?
It was a picture from our trip to Disneyland in March that let me see how I really looked. What I was seeing in the mirror was not what the world was seeing. The camera does not lie.
To be brutally honest, I loathe this picture of me. I normally would have deleted it and tried to forget it existed (as I have done so many times in the past), but this time was different. This time when I looked at an unflattering picture of myself, I realized I wasn't going to get healthy just by wishing for and ignoring it. And, to be truthful, my weight was only going to get worse and I really needed to do something now, right NOW. I don't want to look at myself and not like what I see. I don't want to only be happy with neck up pictures. I want to be healthy, fit and happy for myself, my family and my future.
Now for the picture. I really hate this picture. A lot. Please don't try and say "oh you look fine". I know I don't and saying I look ok, when I don't, doesn't help. Sometimes we all could use a good harsh dose of reality and this picture was mine. It's motivation and inspiration. It's not a negative body view (such buzz words we use these days), it's real and it's a body needing change. I don't want the wool pulled over my eyes, I don't want people telling me that I look 'fine', I know I don't. That's what we do for each other out of camaraderie and friendship. What I really want is encouragement, support and to realize that I can do this. This is extremely important to me and I'm going to make it happen.