feeling a bit like a failure last night. As a mother.
D and I decided that in order to save my sanity, we are sending J to preschool in July rather than September as originally intended. This was not an easy decision. I had envisioned one last summer before J starts his years of schooling. Mother and son bonding time, adventures, play dates, just some serious fun. Instead it has been extremely challenging. For all that the 'terrible twos' weren't so terrible, three has been awful. It feels like we are constantly butting heads as he explores his independence. And I am wiped out and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day. Something had to give and in the end it was my idealized version of how our summer would be.
I feel like I'm admitting to a pretty big 'fail' and I really, *really* don't like to fail. But I know this is the very best choice for him. By giving up my 'idea' of how things should be, I am able to make a rational decision about what's best for J and myself.
Damn this being grown up sucks sometimes.
Oh Bean, you're not a failure. An important part of parenting is preparing our kids to go out into the world. J is telling you that he has figured out that you and he are not the same person. This is a developmental thing; B still thinks I'm an extension of her, D *knows* he's not me with the vehemence that only preschoolers and teenagers can muster. After D started preschool we started having more fun in the afternoons, despite B's arrival. We also got better afternoon naps, because he was wiped out from the activity of the morning. And things I thought he might never do, D has learned in a warm, supportive environment with adults who have more patience with him than I do. Those 3 hours off each morning make me a better parent and make D a happier kid. I gave him the choice of going to camp this summer or staying home with me and camp won hands down.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. As with everything, it gets easier.
J is super excited to go. I know it's for the best but it was a hard decision to make just because I wanted him to stay home with me. It's only 2 days a week but I can see him wanting to go more.
DeleteThe 3's SUCK! You are nowhere near a failure. You just have to let go of your preconceived ideas of what a successful mom is. A successful mom is someone who has the ability to go with the flow of what needs to be done. You were trying to be an uber mom. No one can last that way and still be sane. Especially when it comes to the 3's!
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