I am so very, very tired of yelling. Yelling out of frustration, anger, exhaustion, and literally being at the end of my rope.
Tonight I just almost collapsed from the frustration of having to say, yet again, "don't splash the water out of the tub". Again. And again. I'm just done. I'm so tired of how the anger makes me feel, of the person the frustration turn me into. I'm just done. I'm leaving that person behind and becoming...I don't know what. Not a permissive mom because permissive 'let the kid do what it wants' parenting doesn't work with me. Enforced rules work with me. Not having to yell about rules works with me. I'm going to have to figure this out but I know I can't spend the next however many years of Js life yelling at him or I will become old and bitter before my time and he will end up in therapy talking about his mother the witch. I will lose sight of the pleasure and joy in being a mom. So I'm done. I will bite my tongue when it wants to yell. I will discover another voice. What that voice may be I have no idea. I will also need to learn to keep the anger and frustration out of my voice. I need to remember that he is learning about himself through me and my actions. No pressure at all. Sigh.
Addendum - tonight putting J to bed, I found myself saying "your behavior is making me irritated and frustrated if I get irritated enough, I will leave". Maybe this is my new voice? It certainly got a better/quicker reaction and didn't involve yelling!
i am SO on the same page...
ReplyDeleteAnd how are you doing with it? Not an easy transition.
Deletei take it day by day...definitely not easy!
DeleteNo it's not but I'm hoping it keeps my sanity!
DeleteYes, that is the point I have gotten with Willow... explaining to her how her actions make me feel and the consequences that will ensue. It seems to be effective half the time. I suspect that percentage will increase with age. I suspect this phase will pass with time and he will be easier to rationalize with.
ReplyDeleteThough I still do my fair share of exasperated yelling.... but it's getting better. And yes, I so agree with you. I don't want to have her grow up thinking yelling is acceptable. We talk about it at night before going to bed. I ask her if mommy is doing better about not yelling, and she then promises to try to not do things to drive me nuts. :)
ReplyDelete